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Your body never forgot. You just stopped listening to it.

by Matthew Zoltan, co-creator of the Undo APP

Why memory is not a thought — and why that changes everything about how trauma is healed.

There is a moment, early in my work with people, when something shifts. Not in their understanding of what happened to them, but in how they are experiencing themselves right now, in the room, as we sit together.

They stop trying to remember. And they start to feel.

Most of us have been taught, by therapy, by culture, by well-meaning people, that the path through trauma is to go back to what happened, understand it, process it, and eventually make peace with it. Tell the story often enough, the thinking goes, and we’ll stop being haunted by it.

But here is what nearly forty years of working with people has shown me: the story is not where trauma lives.

Trauma is not a memory you can recall. It is a memory your body never let go of.

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Saying goodbye to my inguinal hernia

In 2009 I noticed an odd pain near my right groin when sitting for long periods at my desk. Knowing what I know now about health I would have paid attention to this messenger. At the time I did not.  Sometime later I was carrying a heavy item to my car and the hernia let go. I dropped the box and vomited with the pain.

And so began nearly 15 years of trial and error to deal with this.  I tried walking around with my hand pressing on it to get relief.  Not ideal when you need both hands, and people also wonder what you are doing. I tried strong duct tape – not a great idea when you are a hairy as me. I tried these weird undergarment that provide support ish!  The best assist I found was a plastic sunglasses case that had rounded sides and ends.  I could wedge this under the waistband and belt of my jeans and it did a pretty good job of supporting me. My thought was if I can provide support perhaps the tear or whatever it was would heal.